Hari Krishnan R
What's the RCA?
What’s the RCA?
“What’s the RCA?” The words had meaning but didn’t mean anything to her at the moment. They were orphan words, no one claimed them inside her head and just echoed back.
Peter blahblah, innocently questioned - “Am I audible?, Anju”. She did bother to try to read Peter’s polish last name at the beginning of her work-from-home crusade. But technology auto-filled his name everywhere and the fake rapport never compelled her to use that last name ever.
“Yes, Peter. You are audible. The RCA hasn’t been completed yet. I will update you by EOD”. RCA, EOD, WFH, WTF. Anju pondered over how much time she’s been saving with these abbreviations. For 2000ms. Because, well, time is money.
Closed the window, closed the laptop. “How dramatic!” She thought to herself. A tab with the title “Mental health during this pandemic” was waiting for her inside. But she was trying to find “mental strength this pandemic” to do anything.
Her mind rewound back to all the crests in her recent past. Anju was afraid of the corporate world, yet the MNC life subdued all her fears within months. Marx was wrong, Capitalism was the real drug. She had no two thoughts when it comes to choosing a life partner from the same world.
Change is inevitable. It wasn't the first time Anju would think to herself, whether the pandemic is the reason for everything or it just provided the right timing. Last night was particularly rough. Eventful. The event being the D-word appears before a married couple. D. Divorce. Formed from divertere in Latin, meaning to divert. It was puzzling to Anju how much more should they divert from each other. Until they reach the poles?
"Yeah, let's just forget what we said last night". Anju didn't look back. She had to calculate all the permutations of a considerate (or not) replay before he comes into her field of vision, taking in assumptions on his facial expression. Is he cheerful? Is he just dull, trying to deescalate things? Should I be welcoming? Or just give off strong-lady vibes?
"Mm. I was meaning to apologize also". Whaattt?? Why? Why did I say that? He wasn't apologizing. Then where did this "also" come? Anju felt like spiraling and losing control from the beginning
"It's ok. But we should discuss this sane mindedly without getting heated, sometime"
"But it is a heated topic, na? And I am not the one emotional regarding this."
"Do we really need to start with the blame game, dear?"
Anju started flipping a thousand tables inside her head and went to silent mode again.
"We can put this aside for now". He tried to console and back down.
"But you will feel like, you have wasted time with me"
"I have wasted my time with you". Words were ignited. Sparks were thrown.
Mostly from Anju's eyes. But she was silent.
"Why didn't you tell me you don't want kids before our marriage?"
"Have you asked? And why would you assume my wants?"
Though the counter-argument seemed silly, he thought himself to rein back.
"But Anju, as your husband, as your partner, I want to know my wife's reasons. Not just reasons, your thought process behind this"
"I have told you many times, Manu. From the beginning. I have told you all the issues in my family. I have told you I don't want to pass it down to anyone. I have told you, I do not possess the emotional capability to love a child."
"I am not some detective to follow these breadcrumbs and deduce what you want. You should have told me!"
"Manu, please. I don't want another child, one of my own, to grow loveless in this world. An absent father is common in this world. You don't know what it likes to grow with an absent mother"
Anju felt it very hard to carry all the blame. Society expected her to be a mother. Her husband expected to be a mother. Peter just wants the RCA.
Manu went back to his WFH cocoon. "Best divorce lawyers in Kochi", a tab was waiting for him also.