"I was alone. The colorless potion that was entering my nerves felt like it had the power to bring on the surges, not just to my body but also to my mind. I felt cheated and let down, but it was the guilt of giving my pillar away that weighed me down. Hours went on and so did my contractions and finally I was cut open and the mother in me took birth. As days went by, I also realised that that fateful day also marked my death in many ways unfathomable!!

It was my love of long years, and being honest to who I was, I made sure that it was my decision that prevailed at the end. Though all faces around me were sulking on my wedding day, I had the brightest of my smiles - I had won this too!! Little did I know that day that I had set foot on my first steps to failure.

The life of submission was like slow poison and mistaking it to be love, I pushed myself to oblivion. Life came back with a jolt when I knew there was a life inside me and again i became my own warrior. Wanting to own the experience, I convinced my better half to take the unconventional path. In that journey, I met you, my midwife, who is the reason why I am here.

Apology is the least that I can offer for betraying you that day and I beg pardon to myself and my baby for betraying us also. I had kept you awake endless nights and sought my relief in your wisdom and courage. But the day when I went to labour, I was nauseated and tired. I got in the car with hopes of reaching you but in the end the destination smelt of phenyl and scrubs...

I cried in disbelief and I was pinned down with assurances that this was chosen for me in the best of my interests. It turned to my worst nightmare and all that I worked for those 9 months went down the drain.

Today I realise my mistake of being naive and not loving myself and my baby enough to stand up for ourselves. I just want you to know that I am really sorry to have betrayed you and I also want you to know that it was you who brought me back to my life. I no more live that life of fear and I also saved my kids from living that life of terror. Thank you and sorry for everything...

Forever indebted,

Kay"

She re-read the email a thousandth time before clicking the "Send" button and closed her teary eyes as the mail travelled its way to the recipient. As she opened my eyes, she could see her baby sleeping peacefully besides her in that far away land. She sent a prayer to all the midwives who are God sent angels being there for women birthing their babies....

As if in a trance, I woke up to the beep of my phone and was intrigued to find an email at this odd hours. It was calls and messages from women in labour that usually kept me awake but this felt different. I put on my glasses and read on, whilst all those emotions of disappontment and disbelief resurged as they had 5 years ago when I was seeing that mum. As I reached the end of the email, I felt so relieved and at peace that another of the births was over and this time it wasn't a baby but a woman of valour that took birth through my hands! I closed my eyes, but not my senses and as always ready for the next call for birth...