She was making puris. The way she handles the ladle is an art to learn for sure. It was a mesmerizing sight to see the puris being slightly pressed and it regaining all its strength pushes back and puffs to become a beauty. For those of you who do not know, puri or poori is an Indian fried bread made with whole wheat flour. Unlike chappathi, puri is not healthy but tastes great. Wait… No… This is not a recipe post nor about the beauty and taste of puri. This is about the thought that did not taste like puri.

So the ‘she’ who was making puris is my sister. SIL was rolling the puris and sis was frying it. I was just watching all the 5 kids and working as their assistant helping them to chop the potatoes, transferring rolled puris to the frying area, making tea, etc. After making 2 batches of puris, my sister suddenly told us to reserve the 2nd batch of puris to the men of the house. Whaaaatttt??? Did I hear it correctly? Guess so. The feminist in me quickly got a wakeup call. But wait… Feminist… Is it the right word? Is that what I really am? I started doubting myself because this word is mostly used to tease women activists nowadays. So before waking up the feminist in me, let me ask the expert, whether it is the right word to use. The one person who listens to my all problems and actually tries to answer to the best of his knowledge. OK Google. “What is the meaning of Feminist?” Google answers promptly, “a person who supports feminism”. Wow. Thanks, Google. Now can you please let me know the meaning of feminism as well or do you think I was just questioning you? Again Google answers, “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.” Or in simple words, “Feminism is about providing equal opportunities to women and convincing others to do so too. It is about fighting gender stereotypes altogether. True feminism is about equality for both the genders.” Ok. I guess then that is what I truly am. Yes, I am a feminist. A feminist who wants everyone to consider women and men as equal parts yet end up being trapped in the normal life template. A feminist who desires to slap a person who does not consider everyone equally, but serves tea to her husband every day, as if it is her responsibility.

After all these thought processes have settled down, I asked my sister why she said so. She gave me a cold look and said, “They deserve the best. Don’t they?” Yes, they deserve the best. In fact, not just them. Everyone deserves the best. Don’t they? This time my mind was bold enough to say that aloud and soon I was able to feel the slight friction. She asked me doubtfully, “Wouldn’t you deserve the best for your husband or the elders?” I said NO and she was tired of giving more cold looks. I injected some comedies to the scene (which reminded me of a Malayalam movie, ‘Vadakkunokki yanthram’ and the famous character, ‘Thalathil Dineshan’) and suddenly disappeared.

I took a couple of deep breaths. The thoughts began to jumble inside my head and I laid down. Why are just men given so much priority? She gets up early and cooks the food and he gets to eat the best. She is in charge of laundry, cleaning, and every single household chores when he just focuses on his work and chills out with his friends. The time has changed a lot. We are not like our parents anymore. During their times, she was forced to take up the responsibilities. But now, ‘she’ is not being forced, but she herself agrees on the template, she herself believes it is her responsibility. So HE is not the problem. The problem is with SHE and it should start from our homes. It would be difficult to train your husband or father or brother. The change should start with kids. I have a daughter and a son. Growing up, I should make my son cook food, and my daughter to change the car tire. They must learn everything and I will never restrict them from doing something only because of their gender. Luckily I have a very broad-minded husband who never forces me to do any chores and still ironically never keeps his tea mug back in the kitchen sink.